2019. What a year. It absolutely went by in a flash but as I reminisce, it was still filled with countless events, ups and downs, sickness and health, life and death, new adventures and struggles, self doubts and new and old friends, to name a few.

 I am grateful for it all. Today. Maybe not in the moment, but looking back at 2019 and the challenges it brought, it’s ok, it’s always ok.

It’s me that makes the decision to make it ok or not. I can choose to engulf myself in toxicity or I can make the choice to let it go and make room for something better. It’s up to me. I can shame myself for my faults and bad decisions or I can choose to not carry guilt for my journey, where it’s taken me, or what others think about it. I will instead be grateful for experiences and learning from them. It’s up to me. I can have self doubt for falling short of goals and having some failures. Or I can say, fuck it and welcome fear and the strength it brings. I will get comfortable with being uncomfortable and grow from that because many cannot.

We don’t always need to look to the strong parts of us for growth. We can get to know “weaker”  parts of our minds so we are no longer afraid of them and can work to find strength in awareness of who we are. We can sit with anxiety, anger, resentment, rage and FEEL it, understand it, so when it starts to come up in our lives, we are no longer afraid or uncomfortable with it. We are aware of it.

This new year, my friends, I will look to listen better to understand others and not just try to make everyone understand me.  I will let go of being so hard on myself because it’s a choice that’s up to me and this life is actually pretty amazing. I will try to send love and thanks to the people in my life that cause me sadness because the people that wrong me, are hurting too.

This is not the easy road friends. I will fail. I will choose old patterns, make bad choices, fail a few times.  I will choose to keep it simple and start by simply breathing when things get over whelming. I’ll take a little bit more time to take care of myself to set an example for my loved ones. I will try to do the things that make me feel powerful and beautiful because thats what needs to be contagious, not my opinions or beliefs. I will be kind to others. Laugh and love any chance I get, even when it seems impossible. I will cry when I need to, so I can feel pain and look forward to how sweet healing will be and not feel badly for it .

• I will be me. Plain, simple, in bed by 8, me. And I want nothing more for you to experience the same in 2020. You deserve it, we deserve it. Let’s chose to find happiness my friends. So much love.